Monday, May 01, 2006

Rendevouz with a Celica and an Old Friend

Have you ever been in contact with someone that changed your life, even though they were only a part of it for a short time? When I was a senior in high school, I met my older brother's finacee, Fiona, and I instantly liked her. She wasn't very much older than me, but she was a sophmore in college and she lived alone. In addition, she had a brand new, red, Toyota Celica. That car still haunts my dreams. It was beautiful. Coming back from dinner one night, we took the top down, put on some chick rock and cruised down the interstate.

She embodied everything I wanted to be at the time, she had it all- she was beautiful in that bohemian sort of way, and she had an aura about her that was magnetic. She took care of herself- she took time to reflect, she put herself before the pressures of the world, of college, of life. She taught me that it was okay to indulge in yourself, to better your way of life. To me, that had always seemed wasteful. Responsibility seemed like a way of life. Fiona introduced me to things that made me feel good- photography and comfort food, Origins beauty products, chick rock- The Sundays, The Cranberries, Tori Amos. She helped me through an awful senior year, and helped me transition into a college freshman, when my parents thought I was too young to live on my own, she helped me scout apartments anyway. Everything she did with me, I've never forgotten, because it was so refreshing to finally be relaxed with someone. She celebrated and respected flaws, and she was always sympathetic to herself, to others. With her, it was always okay to be upset, to be worried, to be tired.

After her and my brother split up, we lost contact. I thought of her often when I was being too harsh on myself- I remembered how she found peace by being a best friend to herself. I assumed that she moved out of the area. I saw her today. I was waiting in line at Panera Bread and she walked in, and took a seat. She didn't see me. And suddenly, I had an overwhelming urge to sit net to her, to cry and tell her how hard things had been lately, how I felt and looked like crap, to tell her that I was tired. But I didn't. I got my coffee to go, and went outside to my car. Her red Celica was parked next to it.


At 11:05 AM, Blogger Mardougrrl said... should have talked to her! It sounds like you need that kind of friend and influence in your life right now. Don't we all?

At 12:30 PM, Blogger fern_leaf said...

Look! My first reply! *waves to M*
I know, it just one of those things that you regret later...oh well.


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